music when the lights go out.

Ah, Christmas. I don't like this holiday, but today wasn't bad.
I didn't ask for much and I got more than I asked for and more than I need. That should probably make me happy, but it doesn't. I'm not unhappy really, just a little bit bemused.
I got my little cousin a USC cheerleader outfit. Apparently she loves it and it looks adorable. I'm happy. I'll post picture if I get them.
My presents went over well. I kind of knew they would. I wish my parents would put as much thought into my gifts as I do into theirs. Quality, not quantity people. That's unfair of me, I know. They do what they can, considering they don't know me as well as perhaps they'd like. It's the thought that counts.

I think that the time away and the distance has made me more charitable than I would otherwise be. I was a right whiny bitch last Christmas (but only on my blog. I do what I can as well).
I have only one wish for New Years. It's the same one I make every year. It's echoed in about a million songs, all of which are somewhere on my iTunes playlist. Please let this year be better than the last. It's worked so far.
Now if I could just find a good New Years Party.

watch the doubtful smiles begin

So, I'm readjusting to this time zone- sort of. I've just decided not to sleep. It's working pretty well so far.

Random fact: Did you know that in the UK, they call cupcakes fairy buns? I had heard of them, but I didn't know they were the same thing. Mm...fairy buns.

I'm listening to the new Weakerthans cd for about the millionth time. It's good. It's not my new favorite cd, but it's growing on me.
I don't really have much else to say. Nashville is boring. I'm supposed to see Breanna and Hensley tonight, which should be really good. (Breanna is my awesome friend with a preternatural gift for languages and a love for Harry Potter that rivals JK Rowling's. She just got a job as a freelancer at MAC. Hensley is superfun and she goes to my dad's alma mater. It's a really small school, so she sees him a lot. I think it would be hella awkward if she wasn't so sweet.)

I guess that's all?

we both know they wouldn't mind

Note for next semester: don't get into routines. Routines=the stuff of bad.

More later.

Thank you (thank you) Silence

So, I'm finished with finals and I'm going back to Nashville tomorrow. It goes without saying that I don't want to, but I'm not going to let it put me in a bad mood. I can't. This needs to be good.
This first half of the year went by really fast, and I'm kind of sorry it's over. I hope the next 3.5 years are as good as this.
Best moments of the Semester:
-Telling someone how I had almost given up studying music and having them say to me, "It's a part of you," like it was obvious.
-Being told by an incredibly nice older gentleman that I look like a young Mia Farrow (from Peyton Place).
-Karaoke with Alex at three in the morning...before the Rum made things a little complicated.
-Finding Sugar-free, Raspberry Lattes
-Thanksgiving with Lauren and her family
-Performing onstage with Oriana and realizing what it meant to really move an audience
-Free Love party with Kooky Khalia and lots of free love (although not quite as much as I would have liked
The really good moments
-Realizing that freezing my ass off in the mud for 3 1/2 hours every night was totally worth it (WTO's King Lear- I'd do it again in a heartbeat)
-Being told by a professor & TA that my talent and thoughtfulness was evident and that they wanted me to shine
-Having my poem chosen first to be read in a Seminar/discussion- the most personal one I've written
-Discovering that Zero-Carb Rockstar is pink and tastes like heaven
-Bonding with Karen over FroYo and vegetables
(-The memorable: date with a cokehead)
-Chasing taxis at the WTO bake sale at 1 AM
-La classe de Français
-Professor Wilson's comments on my performance
-Little things: jamba juice, West Hollywood, wind and sunlight after rain

The Bad
Not worth remembering.

Have a good Holiday everyone. I know you all can probably use a break. We'll see how mine goes.

it always rains like hell on the losers day parade.

I saw Barack Obama speak last night. He was really inspiring. Honestly, I'm so glad I'm supporting him and I'm definitely going to get more involved in the next few months. I think we need him to be president, and I'm scared that something will happen before he gets a chance to change the country for the better.
So, that was the highlight of a really amazing night. I'll go backwards. I got to see the goo goo dolls, who have been one of my favorite bands since I was about 12. They played 2 of their new songs (including "Stay With You" which is so beautiful), and they played "Slide" which is their biggest hit, and then they played my favorite song, "Broadway." It was the first one I heard of theirs and it's still one of my favorite songs. I was so happy.
Before them, a couple of people spoke about Barack and Ne-Yo performed. He was really good. I'm excited for him about his Grammy nominations.
But, before that was probably the most unlikely event of all. Bret, Kira, David, and I couldn't find the amphitheatre and we ended up wandering into the premier of Charlie Wilson's War instead...into the VIP area. Randomly enough, they let us in and it was only when we got to Will Call that we realized we were at the wrong place. On the way out, I almost bumped into someone having their picture taken. It happens. Happens all the time, just not when that person is Julia Roberts. FYI, she's incredibly tiny and beautiful in person (even more beautiful than onscreen) and I totally might be in the background of her publicity photos. Hell freakin' yes.
So, I had a good night. I had a really good night. Obama '08!

haligh, haligh, haligh, a lie

I got punched in the jaw tonight.
I don't really want to blog about it.

I went to a party.
More about that later.

I saw Waiting for Godot.
It was good. Sucks for those of you that missed it.

More on that later too. I have something like 120 pages to read for Russian Culture, and a novel to read for American Lit. Bleh, how did I end up like this?

Oh, yeah. I remember. I'm an idiot.

why don't you give me some love

I figure if I have 20 hours until a paper is due and I have between 2-3 hours left of work on it, I really don't need to start that now. Right?

This weekend has been pretty okay. I didn't accomplish as much as I would have liked, but it was a nice break. I need to do so much more tonight and basically right now. That's okay, though. I'm doing fine.
(Yeahright.)

It's been nice having campus be quiet for once. It's like I could hear my thoughts again. Some people wouldn't like it as much, I don't think. We don't always like the space rattling around our own heads. I'm looking at pictures from thanksgiving break back in Nashville and it would have been nice to see all my friends, but I can't honestly say that I'm sorry I missed it. I'm glad I was here. I don't even know how long I want to stay for Christmas. It feels like that's just not a part of my life anymore. I don't mean the people. I love my friends, but...why can't they come here? Boo. :(

I love James Blunt's new cd. I really should buy it instead of listening to it on this girl's Itunes Library.

So, a couple of days ago, someone tried to sell me a Ganesha pendant made out of carved cow bone. It was a beautiful pendant, but I turned it down. I don't think I would want to wear cow bone around my neck, no matter how lovely. Also, Ganesha is a Hindu god. Doess anyone else see the irony there?

Thanksgiving

Blogs are much more interesting when people update them. Sorry to anyone reading this.

I spent Thanksgiving with Lauren and her family. It was wonderful. They were all friendly, and conversational and interesting. It was so nice to spend the holiday with people who can hold an interesting and engaging conversation and who, in turn, are interested in listening as you hold up your end. It was really nice, and I had a great time. Lauren is so sweet, and her mom is amazing. I loved meeting everyone.

I really do miss some people from home, though. I was thinking today about Mackie, Sarah, and Shay and what a good time we all had. I haven't talked to Sarah and Shay in a long time. (I didn't even see Shay's wedding.) :( I don't miss Nashville, but I hate that I've lost touch with people. That's why it'll be good to go back at Christmas, even if I don't really need to.

Speaking of Christmas, I think I'm starting my shopping tomorrow. It's not like I have anything else to do (except those two papers, and my French assignment, and my Theatre final...).
♥

PS: Seth Green's character on this week's Grey's Anatomy is totally the kind of guy I want to date. If you're that guy, call me. Otherwise, I'm going to have to find some other way to get over two, very wrong, simultaneous crushes. Help a girl out?

"Yeah, in the South we weren't Jewish. We were Italian."

I got to see Eric in Hollywood this weekend. It was so nice to see him, because you need ties to people. Hanging out with him was also really good because we hadn't really hung out in over a year, and we used to be really good friends. This felt a little like picking up where we left off, which was nice.
Hollywood is a fun area. I wish I could spend more time there. A guy came up to me in Starbucks, took my hand and asked how I was. I talked to him for a few minutes, he asked if I was looking to make any new friends and when I said not really, he said, "Well, okay. Thank you. You know, usually, beautiful girls like you don't talk to me." I smiled and said you're welcome, and then I got my coffee. It was a good night.
Only in Los Angeles.

I've been talking to a lot of people about what Nashville's like. It's not bad, and it's a cool place to visit, but I don't want to live there anymore. And I really don't want to go back to the South. It was fun talking to Lauren about her experiences as an outsider there (apparently her family went to a Bluegrass club in East Nashville). She understood why I'd want to leave, which is more than I can say for most of the people who either live there, or have never been.

Also, can I just say that I'm crazy jealous that Sarah got to party with Eddie Izzard and Orlando Bloom? Bitchhh. (just kidding)
Ah, well. I've got time.

PS: Oh my god. I'm reading a novel for class where the main character is singing about peristalsis. I love my life.

weine o Madchen von Inistore

I'm watching Babel right now. It's a really good film, but what amazes me is the ability of a teenage girl to be whiny through sign language.
Three little birds just landed on my window. It's really sweet, and kinda cool. I don't see a lot of wildlife these days. Squirrels on campus are hella funny though.

Choir concert was last night, and even though I was exhausted, stressed, and a little sick, once I hit that stage it was like everything was okay again. It reminded me why I loved singing, and why I love performing. It's about bringing beauty to people and letting them experience it through you. That's what I want to do with the rest of my life. I'm a performer. That's not all I am, but it's kind of what I'm called to.

Weird the things you realize sometimes.

tried to make me go to rehab, i said no no no

I gave a homeless man a brownie today, and the guy sitting next to me at the bus stop was so touched that he paid my fare. He said, "What you just did, people don't do that around here." I don't really believe that. You find kindness anywhere, if you look hard enough. What's interesting is that I'm honestly not that nice of a person, I don't think. I'm pragmatic to the extreme, and often times I'm cold and calculating. It didn't cost me anything to give the man a brownie, and it made several people's days a little better. Why not do it?

He also said that people in Los Angeles just aren't genuine. I don't know what made him think I was. I like Los Angeles. I like the people. They're genuine enough for me. I guess maybe I'm not the best judge though.

I'm really, truly worried about Amy Winehouse. If her life keeps going on the way it is, she's going to go down in history as another Jim Morrison, another Kurt Cobain, another Sid Vicious. She's so talented, but she's in a toxic relationship and it's slowly destroying her. Her relationship with Blake is personified in her relationship with drugs. She's addicted to both. Badly so.
I know a little bit about that feeling. Enough to know that she is an example of what happens when it goes to extremes. Tragedy. God, it really is. I hate that there's nothing I can do.

Is that irrational?

holding steady

So, I saw an amazing show tonight. It was The Hold Steady with Art Brut and a local LA band called The Blood Arm. So, freaking good.
I really think, at some point, I'd like to make Jasper Future my lover. (He's the guitarist for Art Brut, who, if you didn't know, are this really awesome English rock band.)
In all seriousness though, both they and the Hold Steady put on an amazing show. I should know. I was on the front row for most of it. There's just something really powerful about basically being inside the sound of the guitars with an entire crowd of people pressing up on you, everyone feeling the same ecstasy as you are. It was somewhere between an orgasm and a religious experience. Either way, by the end it was hard to stand up.

I'm going to be rather deaf tomorrow, but it was so very worth it.

PS: Howard Shore, the same guy who did the music for Lord of the Rings, also did the score for Silence of the Lambs (which is my homework tonight).

My best friend-DEAD...and in heels!

I saw the BNT show on Friday night. It was very long, but really good. Honestly, the writing was good in all the pieces, but I liked the funny ones the best. From 11 to 1:30 on a Friday night, I'd rather be laughing...or tripping. The last piece provided that. (It was called Turkeygoose, if that give you any indication of its trippiness).

Then, last night, I saw Pentecost. It's an amazing show and I really pity anyone who didn't see it this weekend. The whole cast did a phenomenal job, especially since over half of them were speaking languages that they didn't know, and using accents not their own. The writing of the play is incredible too, which is why I was a little disappoointed by the David Edgar Q&A. He was very nonchalent about everything, and a little cold. Still, the play was good, so I can't complain. I would have liked to have heard the director speak a little more, but he's faculty here so I guess I can go talk to him about it if I want to.

I'm hella pissed that I missed the screening of Southland Tales with Richard Kelly. Holy fuck, I'm basically seething.
I'll get over it eventually. Maybe.

Rehersals for King Lear are going really well. We had a workshop that tried to put us in touch with our masculine sides. It was interesting, but I think also helpful. I really like this cast and this show.

I had more to say, but I forgot what it was. A capella auditions this week. I may or may not go. Eric next weekend, so yay. Everything's pretty good.
And we won the homecoming game. hell yes.

Boo :(

So, I missed out on World Vegan Day. It was today, and I totally had milk in my latte. Aside from lattes, and the occasional frozen yogurt, I'm basically vegan already. Oh well. There's holidays all the time.
Especially here. Any excuse to party. I'm still waiting for the 'Day that ends in Y' party. Someone throw it.

Speaking of parties-
Reasons I'm not going to Vocalloween:
1) It's $5 cover. I'm a starving college student. I don't think I'd be drinking $5 worth of liquor anyway (not when I could get it for free somewhere else).
2) It's freaking cold outside. I don't want to go out in it, even to get a ride. Blehh.
3) I don't have a costume. I've given up on finding/making one. It's November.
4) I have tons of shit to get together before tomorrow. Even more by next week.

Hope you guys all have fun. I'm a little sad that I'm missing out on the opportunity to hang out with the cool people I know are going, but there will alwayyys be more parties. (WTO Free Love party on November 30th. Be there.)

Je veux fumer mais je ne peut pas

So, I was going to whine about how I hate disappointing people, letting them down, blah blah blah, but no one wants to hear that. I made a decision. I'm going to have to make more decisions in the future. People who make decisions get things done. I like getting things done. I like being pragmatic.
I'm rambling. Whatever.
So, I have to watch Thelma and Louise for my Freshman Seminar and pick out a scene that I think is nonessential. I was thinking that it would be funny, but it's really, really not. Fuck. This movie is depressing.
It's good though. Good acting, and entertaining. Geena Davis is beautiful.

Speaking of acting, I'm in WTO's production of King Lear. I have a small part, but I do something kinda cool/important, and the show is really damn cool. Lauren (the director) is setting it in D.C. in 1968, so free love, Vietnam, hippies, and the Oval Office. I think I'm gonna be in Secret Service garb for most of the show. Woohoo.
Also, I need a business suit. I think Eric is my best bet for finding one that fits, but he's in Claremont.
Any volunteers?

Stress is getting to me sometimes, but not nearly as bad as it used to. It just seems like everything is better here in California, at USC, now. I guess this is what it means to be happy with your life. I'm happy. This is great.

Oh blegh, it's 1:11 and I'm getting up at 6-something to go to the gym, because otherwise I won't have time tomorrow. I go class, class, lunch/work, class, choir, small break, rehersal. Thursdays are my busy day.
Whatever. ("I'm going to Mexico. I'm goin.")
Catherine is so nice to help Pearson with his Chinese at one in the morning.

Screening

So, there was a screening tonight of a film that I was in. It was directed by Alexander Mirecki and edited by Alexander Johns. They're both wonderful, talented, amazing people. The film turned out great.
We're not going to talk about my physicality issues on this blog. No one wants to hear it. At least, not right now. Los Angeles is full of people who don't like things about themselves. Some of them pay money to fix them. (Nip/Tuck premieres Tuesday!)
Today was a really beautiful day. The weather was perfect.
Blogs are more interesting with pictures.
This is what I wore:
This is my face. I don't look happy, but I spent way too long on my makeup.

There might have been a reason for that. Maybe.

So now-

What does one do to make a blog interesting? Something that people want to read.
I think you have to talk about things that they know, or things that they want to know.
I guess I can talk about people. I'm not going to make a bunch of posts trashing people's reputations or whatever. First, because that's not how I roll. Second, because USCene has it covered pretty well. But, people are definitely more likely to read a blog if they think they might be on it. So you might be.
I guess I can talk about me too. Not much, because I have other sources for if I want to whine and bitch about things, but on occasion, I guess I'm interesting. I think about things. Sometimes those thoughts are interesting. I can post those.
I also write. I guess, if people read this, I can posts bits of things that I'm working on. I like feedback.
So this is how one starts a blog. Hm. Whatever.

Thought for the day: I saw a fellow Trojan in line in front of me at Ralph's, and she was buying about sixteen packs of instant ramen and a diet coke. I was simultaneously amused and saddened.
Also, it's Halloween. You'd think I'd be able to find a damn headband with a pair of fuzzy cat ears, but no. That's all I want. ("The real hardcore girls just wear lingerie and some form of animal ears.") Actually, mouse ears would be better, because I really just want to wear an outrageous outfit and then point to the ears when people ask what I'm supposed to be and say, "I'm a mouse...duh."

I heard Ben Folds' "Song for the Dumped" for the first time. It's really quite fabulous.
I have a lot to do tonight, and it's not getting done. Enough that I skipped out on two separate Halloween parties. :(
Ah, well. There will always be more parties. Halloween lasts another 4 days here.