you won't be seventeen forever.

I miss Laser tag.
And bumper cars.
I don't miss panic attacks and social anxiety.
But I really do miss easy fun.

I accidentally went shopping for antiques today. Who does that? I felt old.
For someone who thought she was washed up at 18, I guess that makes sense.

I almost set my entire kitchen on fire tonight. A paper towel caught, and then it ripped into two pieces. I couldn't get either one to go out in my hand, and then I dropped them both on two bags of groceries and doused them in cranberry juice to put them out. Then I stood there, staring at the black and red mess covering my floor and I had a moment really like this one- the broken mirror, where I just took it all in for a moment thinking, "Well, okay. This is an interesting life experience."

It's been a good night.

Thought for the day. This is a quote from my friend's blog. I think it speaks for itself, and it sums up how I've been living lately. In the last two weeks, I've made a lot of choices. Some that scare me. But I can't helping trusting myself. It's gotten me this far. I trust myself and I trust the world around me. Even still:

"sometimes i forget what kind of person i am, and it's strange to see bits of myself reflected in someone else's eyes."
Thanks, friend, for saying what I couldn't articulate, for all that I have words.

sally can wait. she knows it's too late.

I'm in the business of being what people need me to be. I figured that out.

This is probably the most surreal and true conversation I've had.
"You're the kind of girl all guys want to meet and never do."
"No, I'm the kind of girl all guys think they want to meet, until they do."
"Yeah, that's probably right."

I have thoughts, and I have words. I have actions. I have words. I'm not going to be sleeping tonight. I know that. Too much to do. No worries.

These days, no one gets to see me cry. I'm dancing, starting next week.

My best friend from childhood is in town. I'm so happy. I needed this. She reminds me of when we were both different people, better.

I need to write my cast. It's only 12:19. I'm okay. I have caffeine.

I turn my head to the east.

My chest hurts.

This doesn't help as much as I thought it would.


Why are people so angry? I don't want to live in an angry world. :(