my dear acquaintance, a happy new year.

There is such truth in music. It's the only thing you can't be unmoved by.
I'm glad I'm writing again.

I'm realizing that it's far more exhausting pretending that something isn't getting to you than it is actually having it get to you. I have a lot to do, and I'm realizing that I made a couple of very questionable choices. (More thoughts on my work blog soon http://mzenani.wordpress.com
Everything I do comes down to choices- I choose who I love. I choose my mentors. I choose my classes. I choose what I pay attention to.
The only thing I don't choose is the people I'm loyal to. The ones I'll do anything for. Those still surprise me. There is a list. You might be on it.

There's always a list.

I made a list recently of five reasons why I should have high self-esteem. Two of them are names. Three of them are stories. It's the stories that I'll tell.
Two complete strangers asked me for my number last week- one in the gym, and one at the Vitamin Shoppe. Just, out of the blue.
They both texted me. I never really got back to them.

Story #2. I was a little more dressed up than usual, a nice dress and heels (this was last Wednesday), and I was stressed and tired and on my way to a meeting in the evening. On my way over, an older woman leaned out of the passenger side of a very beat-up van and shouted to me, "Hold. Your. Head. Up. You're too pretty to be looking so sad." Instinctively, I looked up and straightened my shoulders, and she shouted, "There! Now you look hot!" I've never felt so bolstered and supported by the universe. It's been a hard one, and that story is keeping me smiling, for the most part.

Story #3: I was doing a photoshoot in a park in Angeleno Heights, and there was a large group of kids nearby. They copped an attitude and made a lot of comments, but this was my favorite conversation.
"Excuse me, ma'am, are you a model?"
"Yeah."
"What kind of model? Like magazines?"
"I bet it's porno. Is it porno?"
"No, I don't do porno."
"Can I have your autograph?"
"You got a pen and paper?"
"Aw, man! Well, can I have your number?'
"I thought you didn't have a pen?"
One of them followed us back to the car just to tell me he thought I was beautiful. Then he ran away. I'm so happy I live in Los Angeles.

My birthday is soon. I don't like my birthday. :(