either way, I'll break your heart someday.

So, first I have a story. Then, I have thoughts.

Story: I was driving home to my apartment a couple of nights agp, and when I turned in to go through the gate, I saw a homeless man wandering around in front of it. I pulled forward really slowly, and my headlights made it a little ominous. When he saw me, he just stopped right in front of my car and kind of marched and danced in place. I saw the doorman coming out to usher him away, but I wasn't concerned. All I was thinking was, "I hope he's happy. In this moment, I hope he is happy."

Then, thoughts:
I've never had to worry about people thinking I'm shallow. Much the opposite for the most part. But, I started to realize that maybe Zane thought I was shallow. I had one shot to fix that or in my acting class, and in directing class, I was just going to be the shallow, dumb blonde. So, I took a shot, and now there's 20 people who see me for the depressed mess I really am, the one you saw in Nashville, and my life is a little more authentic. It's okay. I have upwards of 100 who see me as perky and fun and happy, if a little vapid and fake.

On a completely unrelated subject, I cannot imagine buying a foreclosed house and living in it. You're basically sitting on top of someone else's misery.

These days, I'm finding out just how unorganized non-profits are. I went to Kitten Rescue and picked out a cat, and the woman has not called me back. I'm a little disappointed, but I guess if it's not meant to be, so be it.

This week, I've been down a little more than I've been up. I can attribute it to caffeine addiction, weather shifts, hormones, disrupted sleep patterns, and the longest week ever.
I am a little exhausted, but I'm hopeful. I have hope, and I'm no longer a big, freaky trainwreck.

I have hope, but sometimes it's too easy to feel very alone. I'm sorry about missing Angie and Barbara's party, but these days I'm a little more than exhausted. I don't quite have the words.